Tag Archives: love

How I met my husband: a response.

This is a response to this blog post. You may want to read that first.

I was going to leave this as a comment, but I decided that it was getting a little long and that it deserved a post of its own. I’ve also been neglecting my writing lately, so I’m not really all that sorry about throwing two posts up today. If I can’t get through NaNoWriMo and win, the least I can do is get through NaBloPoMo.

I’ve never been the party type. Or, well, not the ‘get drunk and swing from the chandelier” type. My parties tended to be more along the lines of good food, a movie, and table top games. You know, total geek. I also lived in a small town with no car and not a whole lot of people my age around. It was hard to actually meet new people at all, let alone people to date.

I was jobless and my dad told me to apply to the factory that he’d worked at for half his life. I figured that I had to get some cash so that I could, you know, live, so I did. I got the job (because factories aren’t exactly picky, really) and started shortly after. I get to the line and meet the people I work with and totally hit it off with the guy across the line from me.

We’re both gamers, we like the same kind of music, we’re both reasonably intelligent and working at the factory because it’s all we could do at the time. We like the same kind of books, though he reads much less than I do, and we’re both big technology buffs.

He asked me out on a Thursday, just short of two weeks after I started. Picked me up on Saturday night. We went to Perkins for dinner (because fancy restaurants are few and far between around here) and we went to see Robots. We then drove home, made out on his couch, and I didn’t go home until the next day. We went out lots over the next few weeks, had some ups and downs, and then I was spending more time with him than without him. And now, 8 years later, we’re still together with two small fries and a house.

He did ask my dad if he could date me, as it turned out, because they occasionally saw each other working, but it also turns out that my dad had been thinking of introducing us anyway.

I think that sometimes people think too hard about why they’re doing something instead of enjoying what they’re doing. I mean, I know I do. I did with my husband for quite a while. When I just sat back and enjoyed the ride, things went a lot better. And it helped that I could tell people that we met over the line at a washer and dryer factory because we were both talking about Final Fantasy VIII.

The moral of this stupid story: the best person for you could show up in the weirdest places at the weirdest times. Until then date, don’t sweat whether you’re doing something right or wrong, and do what you feel is right.

I just watched “Bridegroom”.

I should probably preface this with the fact that there’s likely to be a lot of angry swearing in this post. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever been so angry in my entire life. If you haven’t seen this documentary, you should watch it. If you are against marriage for gay people, you should really watch this. If this documentary doesn’t, at the very least, make you question your stance against equal marriage, then I have to really wonder whether you’re actually human.

I have to say that the man who died would only be a year older than me, maybe only a few months. That really got to me, I think, because it made me think of my own mortality and that I really need to hold on to the love I have now. Anything could happen to me tomorrow and I don’t want to have regrets about anything that has happened in my life.

More than that, though, I have to stand up and fight for these rights. Even though it sickens me to think that they are things I have to fight for, and even though my own state legalized marriage for all quite some time ago, I can’t just put down my banner and be done until everyone has the right to be married. Do you know why?  Because of the exact situation that this documentary brings to light.

Shane and Tom were together for a pretty long period of time. In fact, if Tom hadn’t died, they would have been together for pretty close to the same amount of time my husband and I have been together. For the record, that’s 8 years. And you know what? They have every fucking right to celebrate those years as I do. But, moreover, I think that a lot of people need to watch this to realize what the lack of marriage rights does to same sex couples.

How would you like to be kept from your partner’s bedside as they lay dying? How would you like to be barred from the funeral of the person you so deeply love? How would you like it if their family was able to go through every little bit of your life together and take what they wanted because you have no legal right to it? How would you like it if you had no legal right to choose where your partner was buried? How would you like to have loved someone for years only to be swept under the carpet like unwanted dust because you had the audacity to be of the same sex?

And, see, it happens. This documentary proves it, but it isn’t the first time and it isn’t the last time it will happen unless we recognize that same sex couples love no differently than opposite sex ones. Religion is not a good enough reason to deny someone the right to marry,

And you know what makes me angriest? I pass as straight because I’m married to a man. Here’s the thing, though: I’m a bisexual woman and I’ve known that since I was in my early teens. I have a terrible amount of privilege in this. I don’t have to try and fight. I found the love of my life, and because he’s a man I will get no flack thrown at me. I think, though, that’s why I need to fight just as hard as anyone else. I’m not special. The love of my life just has the tab that fits in my slot. Somehow, this is the most important part of marriage. Can someone tell me why that is and why that shouldn’t be changed without spouting bible verses? If not, then I think it’s time we changed things, don’t you?

Marriage should be about love, not about the gender of the people being married. And no one should have to go through what this man did just because they aren’t the right sex in someone’s eyes.

I cry for this man tonight, and the man he loved and lost way too fucking soon. I cry for all the others who go through this shit and are never heard. I check my privilege and vow to fight for your right to marry and not have this shit happen to you ever again. I vow to be more vocal, and to try to reach out in my community to get other people to be more vocal as well. You shouldn’t have to fight for this, but because you do I will stand and fight with you. I couldn’t face myself if I did otherwise, and I don’t know how others can stand to deny you these rights.

I’m just so fucking angry right now.